Building Camelot - Latest Comments in Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

NameSylvia W. — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 01:12:09 -0000

I have a question from a wife's perspective. Is it wrong of me to feel distant and resentment towards my husband of 23 years because of his lack of financial support? He will not work and assist me in the household finances and I feel like the world is sitting on my shoulders. Our kids are grown so we dont need much but even the "not much" I have to do on my own. I find it difficult to be intimate with him and he finds it difficult to understand why I am not interested. I dont know if I'm wrong in feeling the way I do. Please please send me your thoughts. Thank you!

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

توبيك — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:56:05 -0000

Thanx a lot For This Information

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

webshabab — Sun, 24 May 2009 03:41:53 -0000

Thanx a lot For This Information

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

Tyler — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:35:14 -0000

@VegasDad: I thought I had it under control when we had one child, but I feel like I'm going to spin off the planet with two. The balancing becomes much more difficult.

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

VegasDad — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:05:20 -0000

I have to admit that I'm having challenges balancing it all. Sometimes you have to just admit and share your strengths and go with it.

<abbr>VegasDads last blog post..a special birthday video</abbr>

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

Tyler — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:18:30 -0000

@PJ: Thank you for the insightful comment. Part of me feels like I don't know what my wife's expectation is - I mean, I know I need to help with the kids and do chores around the house but beyond that I'm at a loss. In the haze that is parenting 2 kids, I've lost the idea of what she wants me to be as husband.

You touch on another good point that I sorely lack and that's knowing what your wife appreciates. In my mind I'm thinking one thing is right but I'm sure she's thinking something completely opposite. I've slacked on communicating with her about this subject and probably need to have an adult conversation with her.

You've summed it up nicely with:

I would say the ability to recognize and adapt our behaviors based on the understanding of our spouse’s needs

...that's a great statement and one that both men and women need to take to heart.

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

Tyler — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 10:51:40 -0000

@Dcmba: Very good points. Sometimes the smallest things can make the biggest differences. Maybe some men, including myself, try to focus on big things to carry them through when we ought to be focusing on the small things. I hope your wife enjoys the massage!

@smartfathers: Maybe that's where my wife and I lack some connection. We rarely have a good, adult conversion unless it's something to do with the kids. How do you and your wife know when one of you starts "drifting in the wrong direction"? I'd like to hear more about that if you get a chance.

@Bernie: Thanks for the comment - It's always great to hear from new readers. You're right, marriage IS work and maybe that's where I've fallen short. I guess sometimes, at the end of the day, I don't want to think about "working" for my marriage...I just want it to be. Great to hear from you and stop by any time.

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

Bernie — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 09:01:04 -0000

I don’t necessarily think we need to be superheroes, but we do need to pay attention.

Let’s face it, marriage is WORK! I can’t tell if being a father or a husband is the harder job at times. We as a couple have to raise our kids; teach, bath, walk, read, feed, wipe, clean, etc. At least when there are two of us we can share in the responsibility if one of us is stressed out from the kids or sick the other can take over. As a husband, I have to manage the emotional needs of my wife. Making deposits into her feelings, asking how her day was, and giving her appreciation for the things that she does for our family. It does not come naturally to me to give thanks for everything as I don't need it or expect from the things that I do for her. It really comes down to her love language and catering to that. There is a good book that goes by the title 'The 5 Love Languages...," eh, not sure on the exact title.

As an example yesterday I left my home at 7am, saw my wife for a few minutes when I arrived home then she left and I didn't see her again until 10pm. She said she missed me and felt she hadn't connected with me all day when we were lying in bed. What do you do at this point when you are physically exhausted and want to sleep for work tomorrow? Financial stability to be productive tomorrow or sensitive to her needs now?

Do our best today and remember; If she is not happy, I am not happy.

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

smartfathers — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:14:00 -0000

This is a very tough question to answer. We all think we know how to be this ideal person but whether we are or is hard to say. I guess I feel like I'm doing the best that I can and I'm happy and my family is happy. As long as this remains the case then I feel like everything is great. If/when my wife and I start to drift in the wrong direction the other one always manages to put them back on track. The most important thing to keep everyone on track is communication. If you don't have those "real", serious conversations then you're bound to have issues.
My 2 cents...
b

Re: Marriage: Do Good Husbands Need To Be Superhero’s?

Dcmba — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:12:06 -0000

I think being a good husband means doing the small things consistently that show how much you love your wife. Example: My wife is a 5th grade math teacher. Tomorrow she will be giving the math portion of the TAKS test. This is a MAJOR thing here in Texas, the whole school year focuses on this stupid test. Needless to say, this is my wife's most stressful time of year.

Tonight on my way home from work, I stopped and bought her a gift certificate for a 90 minute massage complete with gratuity already taken care of. I know how hard she has been working the last couple of month and I can see the stress she has been carrying. I thought this might help. http://twitpic.com/2xsgn

I prefer to take my lunch to work, but I hate making it. No matter had tired she is or how bad she feels, she always makes my lunch for work because knows I hate doing it. Sure, big shows of affection are great, but these simple gestures are the glue that makes our's such a great marriage.

<abbr>Dcmbas last blog post..Definition: Spoiled Dog</abbr>