DISQUS

Dcmba · 8 months ago

I think being a good husband means doing the small things consistently that show how much you love your wife. Example: My wife is a 5th grade math teacher. Tomorrow she will be giving the math portion of the TAKS test. This is a MAJOR thing here in Texas, the whole school year focuses on this stupid test. Needless to say, this is my wife's most stressful time of year.

Tonight on my way home from work, I stopped and bought her a gift certificate for a 90 minute massage complete with gratuity already taken care of. I know how hard she has been working the last couple of month and I can see the stress she has been carrying. I thought this might help. http://twitpic.com/2xsgn

I prefer to take my lunch to work, but I hate making it. No matter had tired she is or how bad she feels, she always makes my lunch for work because knows I hate doing it. Sure, big shows of affection are great, but these simple gestures are the glue that makes our's such a great marriage.

<abbr>Dcmbas last blog post..Definition: Spoiled Dog</abbr>

smartfathers · 8 months ago

This is a very tough question to answer. We all think we know how to be this ideal person but whether we are or is hard to say. I guess I feel like I'm doing the best that I can and I'm happy and my family is happy. As long as this remains the case then I feel like everything is great. If/when my wife and I start to drift in the wrong direction the other one always manages to put them back on track. The most important thing to keep everyone on track is communication. If you don't have those "real", serious conversations then you're bound to have issues.
My 2 cents...
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Bernie · 8 months ago

I don’t necessarily think we need to be superheroes, but we do need to pay attention.

Let’s face it, marriage is WORK! I can’t tell if being a father or a husband is the harder job at times. We as a couple have to raise our kids; teach, bath, walk, read, feed, wipe, clean, etc. At least when there are two of us we can share in the responsibility if one of us is stressed out from the kids or sick the other can take over. As a husband, I have to manage the emotional needs of my wife. Making deposits into her feelings, asking how her day was, and giving her appreciation for the things that she does for our family. It does not come naturally to me to give thanks for everything as I don't need it or expect from the things that I do for her. It really comes down to her love language and catering to that. There is a good book that goes by the title 'The 5 Love Languages...," eh, not sure on the exact title.

As an example yesterday I left my home at 7am, saw my wife for a few minutes when I arrived home then she left and I didn't see her again until 10pm. She said she missed me and felt she hadn't connected with me all day when we were lying in bed. What do you do at this point when you are physically exhausted and want to sleep for work tomorrow? Financial stability to be productive tomorrow or sensitive to her needs now?

Do our best today and remember; If she is not happy, I am not happy.

Tyler · 8 months ago

@Dcmba: Very good points. Sometimes the smallest things can make the biggest differences. Maybe some men, including myself, try to focus on big things to carry them through when we ought to be focusing on the small things. I hope your wife enjoys the massage!

@smartfathers: Maybe that's where my wife and I lack some connection. We rarely have a good, adult conversion unless it's something to do with the kids. How do you and your wife know when one of you starts "drifting in the wrong direction"? I'd like to hear more about that if you get a chance.

@Bernie: Thanks for the comment - It's always great to hear from new readers. You're right, marriage IS work and maybe that's where I've fallen short. I guess sometimes, at the end of the day, I don't want to think about "working" for my marriage...I just want it to be. Great to hear from you and stop by any time.

PJ Mullen · 8 months ago

For me who defines whether or not I'm a good husband is squarely in my wife's corner. What her expectations are of me as her husband may differ than what your wife's expectations are of you as her husband. So, as long as I am meeting my wife's expectations of what she needs her husband to be for her, then I feel I am doing my part as her partner.

Sure, I could interject my own expectations of what I want to be for her as her husband, but those at times may be different, or worse, opposite of what she feels she needs. While I hope that friends and family recognize and accept that the role I work to fulfill as her partner makes her happy and content, ultimately my only concern is if the woman I've committed my life to believes I am doing my part.

Also, I think DCMBA touched on a very important element - doing the small things consistently. As a perfect example of my expectations vs my wife's expectations and how they may not always mesh, I used to be the guy that liked to make the grand gesture. After the first few months we were together we had a discussion about extravagant gift giving and how it bothered her. She explained that she is a simple girl and only needed the small, simple things in life to know how I felt. Obviously this was a dramatic change for me, but I recognized and changed my behavior based on this talk and I feel that I am a better husband for having internalized her need for the small, simple gestures.

The difficult thing about this topic is that I don't think we could all sit down and come up with a singular description of what a good husband is, or should be. And I think that is a good thing. Everyone has different wants and needs, and I would imagine that this is true for our significant others. If we had to come up with one thing though, I would say the ability to recognize and adapt our behaviors based on the understanding of our spouse's needs. That way we can honestly say we are doing what we can to be the best husband for them.

<abbr>PJ Mullens last blog post..Don’t fathers matter?: The birth certificate</abbr>

Tyler · 8 months ago

@PJ: Thank you for the insightful comment. Part of me feels like I don't know what my wife's expectation is - I mean, I know I need to help with the kids and do chores around the house but beyond that I'm at a loss. In the haze that is parenting 2 kids, I've lost the idea of what she wants me to be as husband.

You touch on another good point that I sorely lack and that's knowing what your wife appreciates. In my mind I'm thinking one thing is right but I'm sure she's thinking something completely opposite. I've slacked on communicating with her about this subject and probably need to have an adult conversation with her.

You've summed it up nicely with:

I would say the ability to recognize and adapt our behaviors based on the understanding of our spouse’s needs

...that's a great statement and one that both men and women need to take to heart.

VegasDad · 8 months ago

I have to admit that I'm having challenges balancing it all. Sometimes you have to just admit and share your strengths and go with it.

<abbr>VegasDads last blog post..a special birthday video</abbr>

Tyler · 8 months ago

@VegasDad: I thought I had it under control when we had one child, but I feel like I'm going to spin off the planet with two. The balancing becomes much more difficult.

webshabab · 7 months ago

Thanx a lot For This Information

توبيك · 2 months ago

Thanx a lot For This Information

NameSylvia W. · 4 weeks ago

I have a question from a wife's perspective. Is it wrong of me to feel distant and resentment towards my husband of 23 years because of his lack of financial support? He will not work and assist me in the household finances and I feel like the world is sitting on my shoulders. Our kids are grown so we dont need much but even the "not much" I have to do on my own. I find it difficult to be intimate with him and he finds it difficult to understand why I am not interested. I dont know if I'm wrong in feeling the way I do. Please please send me your thoughts. Thank you!