DISQUS

Kori · 1 year ago

This is excellent; with your permission, I am going to print this out and give it to someone I know who could use hearing this from a man.

Koris last blog post..Getting Some Love

Tyler · 1 year ago

@Kori: Of course you can print this out and share it with your friend. Make as many copies as you want. And, in case you didn't notice, there's a link @ the top of every post that formats the page to print.

Scott · 1 year ago

How flexible I could be. (Oh stop.)

Seriously, before I got married I wasn't real good at the compromise thing. I'm still not great, but I'm improving.

Yours are great and I would agree with all of them.

Scotts last blog post..Jesus is a Friend of Mine

Gregg · 1 year ago

This post is "spot on!" I've been married for nearly 16 years and I agree nearly completely with you.

I even have two kids!

Here's the thing: despite those "honeymoon" days (we bought a house during that time, too. What a wonderful time!) I would seriously never imagined how much I would STILL love my wife and couldn't possibly imagine being with anyone else. Same with the kids. It's hard to imagine a time when they weren't around.

I even went CLOTHES shopping with my 12 year old daughter tonight - alone! - and loved every minute of it.

Life is better than I could possibly have imagined in my narrow view of life I had before I was married.

CharmaineZoe · 1 year ago

Excellent advice and beautifully written. I have Buzzed it I thought it so good :-)

Jeremy (Discovering Dad) · 1 year ago

You nailed this one Tyler. Marriage is a lot harder than people think, but the rewards are greater than anything in life too. Great job man!

Jeremy (Discovering Dad)s last blog post..Spotlight on Dads - Daniel De Guia

dadorbust · 1 year ago

Nice article. The irony for me is that our GPS causes more fights than anything else!

scott hammond · 1 year ago

Dude,
You have maybe the coolest Blog I've seen...Really impressed.
Thanks for carrying all the torches you are!
Hope to link up with you soon.
Best,
Scott Hammond
FO-9

scott hammonds last blog post..5 Needs of Sons

Tyler · 1 year ago

@Scott: Compromising is tough to do and it's probably something that a lot of men (and maybe some women) struggle with.
@Gregg: I don't even remember what life was like before children and marriage. I do know that I'm a better person because of it all. I'm surprised your daughter "let" you go with her...that's pretty cool. I hope my daughters enjoy time with their dad when they get older.
@CharmaineZoe: Thanks for stopping by and I appreciate the Buzz!
@Jeremy: I agree - the rewards are great because the journey isn't easy!
@DadOrBust: I'm with ya on that one...I find that my GPS is often low on battery power also. Either that or I'm so deep in the forest I don't get a signal.
@Scott: Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment. I appreciate the kind words and hope to be in touch soon.

R · 1 year ago

I like your blog a lot, but one thing that would be of great interest is if you were more specific instead of vague. WHen people say things like "I am so selfish" I really wonder if they're actually only talking about fighting over the last apple in the fruit bowl. Or if they say "Move, get out of my way!" and push his wife out the way to get out the door first.

Daryl Campbell · 1 year ago

One thing we are never taught is how to “pass” marriage.

There are times when I think I need to go back to night school. Or at least take a couple of remedial courses every few months.

Daryl Campbells last blog post..When Someone Tries To Sabotage Your Potential Relationship

Tyler · 1 year ago

@Daryl: We take classes for just about everything else we want to learn about...why not marriage? Isn't it the one thing we all want to get an "A" in? Thanks for stopping by and for leaving a comment.

Avis Bailee · 1 year ago

I think, there was a whole other person with their own unique qualities and that those qualities were meant to supply the lack in the qualities of my own being just as those qualities unique to me were meant to supply the lack in her. Since she died i am wondering if i shall be so blessed again, even tho my life is decent, it would be awesome to see if that is again possible, or if that was my one great and true love.

Bryan · 1 year ago

I knew all these things, I think it's common sense.

Wendy · 1 year ago

Living with your fiance before marriage -- preferably for at least six months -- can smooth out a lot of this. Generally good advice, though, and well-written!

Ron Lambert · 1 year ago

Hey, just "stumbled" on you. I'm now nearing 50 years of marriage (not consecutively) and I still got a lot out of what you have to say. Not only that, I'm a couples counselor! Good work. I liked it a lot.

Ron Lamberts last blog post..May December News: I search and still find no research.

Tyler · 1 year ago

@Wendy: The thing is we did live together for a while before we got married. I know there are two schools of thought on the subject and I'd like to think all married couples experience the same ups and downs. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
@Ron: Good to hear from you - thanks for the comment. Glad to hear that you enjoyed the article. It makes me feel a little better that you're a couples counselor and my thoughts aren't too out in left field.

Christien · 1 year ago

I'm about to take the plunge. Do I get out now? ;->

Tyler · 1 year ago

@Christien: Uuuummmm....I'd say no but it never hurts to plan ahead and be aware of some of the challenges that marriages face. I appreciate you stopping by and it's good to hear from you.

Joe · 1 year ago

Let me add one to those you've mentioned: all the booty you no longer get.

Ron · 1 year ago

Cristien:

I guess I would want to hear why you feel the need to ask that question. Wedding jitters or "oh, my God, what am I doing?" I know few married couples who didn't ask your question before, and even during, the wedding. I also know quite a few who should have listened to their gut. Unfortunately, only you know the answer to your question.

Tyler · 1 year ago

@Joe - I think your comment is a whole other story!
@Ron: Thanks again for checking in. I think we all get some level "cold fee" - I think it's natural. Marriage is a big deal and certainly shouldn't be taken lightly and maybe more couples need to ask brutally honest questions before taking the plunge.

David Taylor · 1 year ago

Tyler,

Somehow your post ended up on one of my Google alerts. Really good post, realistically hopeful and a good guide for guys. I think you were especially on regarding the learning and work.

I work for a marriage strengthening program in Texas, and happen to know that one of the best such programs is in Chattanooga. It’s called First Things First (www.firstthings.org) and if they don’t go to your area, they probably know who does.

One of the best ways to strengthen any marriage is to take a marriage enrichment course. As you mentioned there is a stigma regarding “working” on your marriage, but really, it’s not any different than improving any skill. You mentioned golfing; how good were you your first seven years? And how much time did you spend practicing, (not playing) golf over those 7 years? Same thing.

The courses can be from a faith or secular perspective, your choice. Give the Firstthings people a look, and good luck.

BTW, several comments mentioned living with your future spouse first. Did you know that actually increases the risk of divorce?

David Taylor · 1 year ago

oops, should be healthymarriagetc.org

meta-DAD · 1 year ago

yes x 5

<abbr>meta-DADs last blog post..A Search Engine With a Human Touch?</abbr>

Ron · 1 year ago

Maybe the stigma is because of the word "work." Call it anything you want. Just make sure you do it if you want your relationship to last and continue to grow.

<abbr>Rons last blog post..May December News: Continuing the Search for Research</abbr>

dadshouse · 1 year ago

Great advice! Stay married. As a divorced single dad, I can say divorce was the most painful thing I ever went through. I came out of it okay, and so did my kids, but my ex and I talk every day as co-parents. Looking back, it seems we should have figured out a way to evolve and grow as inviduals within the couple. Instead, we're growing as inviduals apart, but with our kids forever tieing us together.

<abbr>dadshouses last blog post..Meeting Women the Old Fashioned Way</abbr>

Tyler · 1 year ago

@DadsHouse: Great to hear from you. I'm a fan of your blog and you certainly can speak about divorce and how it has affected not only your life, but also the life of your children. Hope to hear from you again.

VegasDad · 1 year ago

Marraige has been one the hardest, yet most rewarding jobs I've ever had. I hope I don't get fired anytime soon.

<abbr>VegasDads last blog post..a week in disarray</abbr>

Elliott - 21st Century Dad · 1 year ago

I read this article way back when it was first published, but some things have happened to trigger a 2nd visit.

Right now, I'm going through a difficult time, and re-reading this post helped me out.

CLUBPENGUINCHEATS · 4 months ago

You have maybe the coolest Blog I've seen...Really impressed.
Thanks for carrying all the torches you are!
Hope to link up with you soon.

comic book reviews · 2 months ago

Learning to be aware of and trying to control my selfishness will be a big challenge for me and probably for many other men out there. Selfishness can cause some contention on the home front and it’s harder to manage than I realized.